Okay, so it’s spring once again. The daffodils have bloomed (at least once, in some cases, twice), the Bradford pear blossoms are an orgasm of color, the river birches and oaks are budding, and the dandelions have poked their ugly yellow heads through the surface of the soil in our front lawn. Spring has sprung! But what does it all mean?
At the ripe old age of 69, I have come to the conclusion that we homeowners are delusional. Every year, when the first cool winds of autumn blow the fallen leaves across my lawn, I swear that I will never spend another nickel on my grass, her shrubs, or her garden. Yet every April, I find myself falling back into the same old habit of buying fertilizer, lime, mulch, and weed and grub killers—for what? So I can spend countless hours cutting my grass, trimming her shrubs, and watering her garden, that’s why. I must be mad! (Naturally, she insists that it is she who does the shrubs and garden, and I must confess that it is mostly true.) Okay, okay, but the lawn is my own personal hair shirt (even she will admit to that).
What is it about owning a home that transforms an ordinary, TV-watching, gin and tonic drinking, pizza-loving, fly-fishing man into “YARD MAN?” I can’t remember ever dreaming, as a youngster, of investing all of my disposable (where does it go, anyway?) income on such mundane purchases as those mentioned above. And who, in his right mind, enjoys mowing, trimming, raking, watering, sowing (oh, yes, there must be sowing) anyway? Not me! You?
So, the only answer is that we, as a society, have deluded ourselves into the belief that it’s all worth it. Well, I for one, have had it. I swear, after this year, I’ll never ever . . .
Yeah, sure! Excuse me, I forgot to finish spreading the grub killer . . .
NOTE: Joe Perrone Jr is the author of the highly-successful Matt Davis Mystery Series: As the Twig is Bent, Opening Day (a 2012 Indie B.R.A.G. medallion winner), Twice Bitten, and Broken Promises. All four are available in paperback and E-book. As the Twig is Bent and Opening Day are also in audiobook, with Twice Bitten and Broken Promises soon to follow.
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